JOKES

Some Really Funny One Liners About Ageing ~ Old People Jokes





- I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
- When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
- By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- Do you know some signs of growing old? 1. Forgetting names, 2. Forgetting faces,
3. Just Forgetting..... 
- Three old buddies are out for a walk. Old guy no. 1 says, "Windy, isn't it?" Old guy no. 2 says, "No, it's Thursday!" Old guy no. 3 says, "So am I. Let's go get milk shake."

By the way who does this picture remind you of? LOL
-VG     

"Well that's nice"

Tonight CT and I were helping 113 get ready for bed. We were trying to get his shirt changed. The shirt he was wearing was a snap-button shirt instead of a regular button shirt. Meanwhile, 113 put his hand on CT kind of on her upper back/side...really awkwardly. As I undid his shirt really fast CT said "Well that's nice". And of course when she said that I thought she was talking about where 113's hand was at. Yep, not a good night for CT.

-ES

Drama Queen

So, we all know that 103 is kind of a drama queen... here are 2 stories that prove my point.

I don't know if she does this to anyone else after meals, but as I take her back to her room and she's saying her goodbye's to everyone, she's always saying, "Good bye cruel world, I'm off to go jump off the bridge...", such a drama queen!

Story 2:
As I was doing garbages the other day, I went into 103's bathroom and said from the bathroom, "I'm here to get your garbage," and then she said, "Throw me out with the trash, I'm just a big pile of garbage."  Then I told her that she was the most beautiful pile of garbage I'd ever seen and she said, "That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me."  Oh jeez.

-CT

Flashy

So one day after a meal I was taking 107 (former resident) back to his room in his wheelchair and resident 106 wanted to know where her room was, I told her to just follow me.  She had a cold and her nose was stuffy so when I looked behind me to see if she was far behind, she had her shirt up wiping her nose... but she doesn't wear garments or anything underneath... so I definitely saw some skin! Haha :) It was hilarious.

-CT

Where'd my shoes go?

One day the call light for 110 was going off, so I went in and asked her what she needed help with.  She had lost her shoes and wanted me to find them, I checked her closet, under her bed, behind her chair... then... she leaned over in her wheelchair to look under the bed... AND SHE WAS SITTING ON HER SHOES!! What a funny lady, oh my.

-CT

Take your clothes off

This story happened awhile ago before 119 went into rehab, but having him come back has jogged my memory!!

So one day I went to go check on 119 and he had an accident, he was fully capable of undressing himself at the time so I told him, "Okay 119, take your clothes off," what he said next was hilarious, "A beautiful woman has never told me to do that before."  It was slightly awkward but extremely funny at the same time!  The things our residents say! :D That's why I love them.

-CT

"I have to grow up..."

So this past Thursday as I was working, I was getting 113 ready for bed and when I tucked him in a gave him a kiss on the forehead and as I was leaving the room he said, "Just one second, I hope you know I won't be calling you...", I laughed and said, "That's okay, you don't have to call," he then replied, "It's time for me to grow up... and become a horse."  I am not really sure what he meant by that but if he wants to grow up and become a horse, then that's okay with me!

-CT

was that for me?

Tonight as I was helping 120 get into bed, my phone went off because I got a text. It sounds like someone whistling and I guess it was pretty loud, but I'm used to it. 120 froze and slowly looked around the room. She turned to me and asked "Who's whistling at me?"  It took me a while to convince her that it was my phone and not someone hiding in the room....haha! Love her!

-ES